Would I want to be Straight?

This story post was inspired by our Voicethread assignment but I chose a different topic that fits that question more for my voicethread question so I decided to explore this one here.

The question of would I want to be straight is a very difficult one for me. It's in part a very difficult one for me because I spent most of my teenage years trying to be straight.

It doesn't work

As said in my initial posting, I grew up in a very religious background and was home-schooled and for high school went to a private christian school. I find this question hard to answer not only because of my experiences as an adolescent but also because it brings about many more questions than it answers.

What would have high school been like for me? Would I still believe in equality for everyone? Would I  be a Christian? Or a Deist like I am now? How would my life and love plans turned out differently?

The fact is, I don't know who I would be without my experiences as a gay kid/teenager. It's a question you get asked or ask yourself a lot when you're gay... if you could choose to be straight would you? If you could take that little pill, a la The Matrix, would you?

I know my adolescent self wouldn't hesitate to take that pill, to be straight, to be "normal". I can't count the times I would lay awake at night for hours praying to god to make me straight. The amount of hatred and ignorance I witnessed regarding gay people led to depression, anger and self-hatred  

The fact is that all that pain, all that suffering made me who I am. Its odd to me that I can look back on that time and be thankful for such a dark time in my life because it strengthened me. My answer to the question because of that will always be the same... 

No, I wouldn't take the pill.